I WANT TO LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH HE EARNS FROM HIS WORK

Love and I have always been on opposite sides of the universe. You would think I offended the goddess of love in my past life, and I am being punished in this life to experience a series of unrequited love. Right from my late teens, love has eluded me until this point when I am almost thirty. It doesn’t help matters that I don’t like people easily. After a breakup, it would take over two years before I meet someone I like in the slightest.

Interestingly, the people I tend to like don’t like me back. It’s not as if I am not a catch. I believe I have the qualities any great guy who is looking for a woman to share his life with would be attracted to. However, I don’t meet those kind of men. I only end up meeting men who are not looking to settle down. This has happened so many times that I have accepted that there must be something terribly wrong with me.

While I struggled with all the difficulties I faced on my journey to find the one, I met a man last year. This man does not fall under the category of men I usually like. In fact, if I wanted to be myself, I wouldn’t have said anything to him beyond hello. He had unkempt dreadlocks, tattoos, and bulging muscles. I was raised to run the other way when I see men like him. But there was something about this particular guy that made me give him an audience.

I expected him to be rowdy like the way I was told men who look like him usually are. However, he is very calm. That’s one thing I like very much about him. A while into our friendship, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him, “I am beginning to like you too but I can’t date you because of your hair. I wouldn’t be able to take you home. I also happen to have a problem with the job you do as a gym coach.”

He promised me, “As for the hair, I can easily cut it for you.” I was surprised when he actually cut his three-year-old hair to prove that he is serious about me. I liked him and the hair was gone, so I decided to overlook his job and accept him.

I was hoping that we would talk about his job, and he would find another path with time. Howbeit, he doesn’t seem interested in pursuing another path. It isn’t that I have anything against him being a fitness coach. My problem has to do with his income. He is not even able to survive on what he earns. So how can he make a meaningful life for himself? How will he take care of me when we get married? Scratch that. He won’t even be able to afford to perform the marriage rites.

I’m a public servant so I earn enough to get by. I even end up supporting my boyfriend financially most of the time. This is why I keep talking to him about doing something that would fetch him more money. Honestly, this is not the kind of relationship I want. At least, if my boyfriend won’t give me anything, I shouldn’t have to spend money on him. I believe in two people nurturing each other to grow in every aspect of their lives. But I am in a situation where I am the only one doing the nurturing.

Every time I ask him, “So what are your plans for the future?” He would get defensive and say things like, “Why won’t you give me a break? You are always attacking me because you don’t like my job. Meanwhile, you say you love me.” I tell him I mean well but he never understands me, so we end up arguing.

For a girl who doesn’t like people easily, I’ve come to like him very much. When I think about my future, he is in it. I wouldn’t mind getting married to him if only he wasn’t very far from financial independence. I am even more worried that things will not get better soon.

Leaving him seems like a very easy way out and he knows it. He knows he hasn’t done right by me as a boyfriend, and he doesn’t seem to want to change things. When I complain, we end up fighting, so I have stopped. I am just watching him for now.

The question on my mind is, who will I be leaving him for? If I had another man showing interest in me, I would have been long gone. But I have no one so am I going to leave him and be single for how long again before I meet someone? Or should I continue to stay with him till he’s able to get a plan for his life and things become better for him? It would be easier if he was actively doing something to change things. I don’t know what to do. I am just sharing my story because I need someone to hear me out and tell me I am not wrong for feeling this way.
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